My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
