did you get engaged???
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
