I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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