So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is my gift to your gina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
