i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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