If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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