porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
