i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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