i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
