Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
