we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
