every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize