Well douche your snatch and let's go!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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