i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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