No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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