One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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