no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
