no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
