This is not my ceiling
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
