we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
