my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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