He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
