I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
