Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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