His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
