i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
