And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
