moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
