If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
