i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
