Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
