Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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