apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
