saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
