$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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