I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
