I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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