How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
being pregnant is like rehab
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
