I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
