dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
