How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
