Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
