Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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