I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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