I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
