I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
