Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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