i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
