I just pynch a tree in the face
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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