i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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