One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
