yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
