whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
