haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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