the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
