I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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