That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize