At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so much tequila, so little girl.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
