I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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