well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize