her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
