I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
