Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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