i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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