3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize