Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
