but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize