You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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