so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
