My first STD was from a foam party
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
