playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
