She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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