if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize