ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
