Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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