we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize