One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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