is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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