My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
