i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
