her vagine was all disorganized.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
